


Project: Get Egderp and Vantass Together

by RipplesAreStable



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU- everyone is alive and no one dies, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Ashen-Red Vacillation, Dave and Nepeta are like best bros, Dave ships people unironically, F/F, F/M, M/M, Quadrant Vacilation, The endgame is red!johnkat, Unrequited Kismesissitude, moirailigence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RipplesAreStable/pseuds/RipplesAreStable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Nepeta ship John and Karkat caliginously, and they have a plan to get them together. Stuff happens. I suck at  summaries read it or whatever</p><p> </p><p>edit: this story's on hiatus, because i totally don't know what write for the next chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PROLOGUE part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first fic ever, and was originally posted on wattpad. The prologue has 3 parts, im going to post all three on the same day, and probably the 2nd chapter too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Nepeta have their usual shipping court, but Dave has a very special announcement.

Dave has always shipped his friends together, although, he was the cool kid, and a cool kid shouldn't ship people! so he just low key ships people, especially john and karkat, but once his good bro karcrab told him about quadrants, he went all out: he was just like Nepeta seeing one of her ships become "canon"; he had ships from red to black everywhere although, he hasn't had any ships with the ashen quadrant, but he has many in the black quadrant, especially john and karkat, and when karcrab said he had caliginous feelings towards THE john egderp, he mentally fanboyed when that had happened, and now he was determined to make this ship canon.

 

 

 

==> be dave strider

your name is Dave Strider and right now you are in Nepetas "shipping cave", but in all actuality it was just a hallway in the veil with Nepeta's shipping wall on it. Nepetas shipping cave is where you and Nepeta talk about shipping, you and Nepeta call these meet ups "shipping court" you dont really know why, but it doesn't really matter, You have some big news to tell her about a certain karcrab. 

 

==> Dave: tell nepeta the 'big news' 

 

     "order in the court!" Nepeta somehow quietly yelled, a small gavel in her hand "so, Dave what do mew have this wonderful evening, or whatever time it is?" you clear your throat, ready to tell Nepeta the great news.  
     "I have come to you to tell you the news of karcrabs current feelings for egderp," as you say confidently, Nepeta interrupts you.  
     "fur REAL?" Nepeta squeals.  
    "Yes 'fur' real" you respond, standing up and clearing your throat, once again "karcrabs CURRENT feelings for john is..." you hold for suspense, Nepeta is quite literally squirming in her seat at this small table you both are sitting, well your standing right now, but it doesn't matter right now, you should finish your statement. "...caliginous!" you finish stating, as Nepeta 100% fell out of her chair squealing. you are honestly quite proud of what you've done.  
     Once Nepeta was done fangirling, she quietly sat down in her chair, and so did you, as she coughed and asked "so, how did mew find out?" Nepeta asked questioningly, obviously excited about this new revelation, and you responded,  
     "well it had happened about a day ago..."

 

==> be Dave Strider a 'day' ago

 

you are now currently standing in front of one of your best bros, karcrabs, room in the veil, currently wondering what you were asked here for. Karkat had asked if you could come to his room in a few hours for some reason, you had asked why, but he just said "DO IT YOU BULGE LICKER! ITS IMPORTANT." shortly after, he left you just sitting there, pretty fucking confused. It has now been a few hours and now you had just realized, you hadn't even knocked. You put your hand on the cold, grey steel door and knocked. "Dave that better fucking be you, and you had better not have brought anyone with you" you hear through the grey door, as soon as he heard him, the same grey door had opened up, showing off the good bros room, with all of its tidy goodness, and then you spotted Karkats giant ass pile of romcoms, which was just a bit messy, ok you lied, it was pretty fucking messy, it wasn't as messy as Karkats hair, but messy enough for it to be noticeable. your eyes lay on Karkat, and decide you should say something.  
     "So what did you want to talk about?" you asked, a little confused about this whole thing,  
     "well, I won't fucking tell you unless you come in my fucking hive/room thing!" Karkat responded sharply, as he pulled you inside the room and shut the door and includingly locked it for some reason. "ok, you're my good "bro", right? i can trust you with anything?" Karkat had suprisingly asked in a hushed tone,  
     "well of course you are, what's it about?" You had responded, hopeful he might tell you whats up.  
     he answered, "its about john fucking egbert" 

 

oh hell yes. this will be good, this is probably about quadrants, you'll have to tell all of this to Nepeta tomorrow.

 

you should probably dig a bit deeper about this topic.  
     "what about the egderp?" you curiously ask, he then had responded,  
     "i have black feelings for john."

 

you then had just mentally freaked out. its like your dream came fucking true, and you have decided you are totally going to tell Nepeta about this. this has truly been the best day in your life. you have been blessed the day you were born in this doomed or alpha timeline, who the fuck cares anyways? it will still be the best day of your life, and will always be. After Karkat told you about his feelings about John, you promised((NOT)) that you wouldn't tell ANYONE, and you and karkat hung out and did whatever.

 

 

==> Dave: be current Dave.

 

you're back at shipping court where you had just finished the story of how you came to know of this situation of karcrabs feelings, and just now, Nepeta has just banged her small gavel, for some reason.  
     "ok then! it's been decided!"  
nepeta whisper yelled  
     "on what?" you interuppted. nepeta continues,  
     "we are going to get karkitty and john egbert togefurr!" she had finished.  
     "ok," you begin "but how are we gonna do it?" you're actually wanting to do this but the fact is, you nor Nepeta have a plan; at least you think Nepeta doesn't have a plan.  
     "Oh, i have a plan!" Nepeta responded gleefully.  
     "Well, shit let's hear it!" you don't know, but Nepeta is the best cupid,well, hate-cupid, in the world!Nepeta brings out a blank piece of paper and you and Nepeta start planning for project: get egderp and vantass in a hate relationship. you came up with that name, your are best project namer, it is you, and you have a feeling its going to be an amazing fucking plan.


	2. PROLOGUE PART 2: PLAN IN ACTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan for john Egderp and Karkat vantass has begun! But, how does Egderp feel about karkat?

==> be Nepeta

your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you are currently planning a project to get Karkitty and john egbert together caliginously.   
     "Ok Dave! this is how we are going to do this!"   
you start to explain, "i have multiple scenarios that could get john and Karkitty together!" you say as you bring up a BIG stack of pictures and continue, Dave looks like he understands so far. "so here is our furst scenario between mew, Karkitty, and John!" as you show him, through pictures, that he should encourage Karkat to tell John how he feels, and karkat doing that exact thing, you see he understands this quite well.  
     "so, do I have a script for this scenario, or will I have to do some improv?" Dave had said questioningly,  
     "well, mew will have to do some improv fur this one, but im not really sure this one will work! Karkitty is mewsually unsure of a ton of things! although, if he told mew, he must be sure of it, but he must have had mustered up a ton of courage to tell you! so lets go on to another scenario!" you had concluded. as you put the page on the bottom of the stack and start the next scenario, you see that Dave might just be wondering how long explaining all of these scenarios to him will take. "the next one consists of me and mew TRAINING Karkitty to confess to people! especially john!" you giggle," basically we are going to say that we decided we should help him perfect the art of quadrant confessions!"you start explaining, and as you continue, you see that Dave seemingly is hopeful about this scenario. "and once we get him to say 'JOHN, I WANT TO BE YOUR KISMESIS' blindfolded, " you impersonate Karkats yelly voice," we just take him in front of john, make him say it, and John accepts his feelings and tada! we have a happy- no wait,HATEFUL couple!" you finish as you put your hands up in the air ecstatically and moved your arms down as you shake your hands a bit, for a bit of detail, and Dave smirked at that  
     "I'm going to be honest, I think that idea will..." Dave holds for suspense, a second time"...work!" oh yessss! you are so excited to make this scenario happen! you take your tiny gavel, and slam it down on the table  
      "alright! let's go find Karkitty!" you an Dave leave the 'court room' and you are about to leave when your moirail had stopped you in the entrance of your room.   
     "Nepeta!" Equius called out," where are you going..." he starts, he seemingly said ominously, the boom of his voice quite differs from your small, but excited voice,"... without your hat!" he said bringing out a familiar blue hat, with an extremely familiar cat face. you gasp, and pounce on equius in a tackle hug   
     "my hat!" you had said ecstatically, and equius bringing in your tackle hug with a hand that is extremely strong holds your waist and making it an official pale hug. you ship you and equius so much! "thank mew soooooo much!" you giggled, very happily. You had lost your hat ever since you had went crawling in one of the vents in veil, and you had accidentally dropped it in one of the open vents you were looking through, you don't remember which room it was so you didn't go looking for it, but you can always count on your moirail to find your beloved possesions! "where did mew find this?" as you put on your hat that was extremely comfortable, to say the least.   
     "well i found it when i was going through the transportalizers that were vacant and no one was using or really going through and i had found it in one of the test rooms, and i had also noted that there was a vent opened" equius had explained. you were so happy that he had actually found your hat! you thought you were never going to see your beloved hat again! Now that you had your hat, you're finally ready to start your latest shipping project! "so, why is Dave here?" equius seemingly asked pretty confused,   
    "oh! uhhhhhhhhhhh..." you look at dave to motion to him to help you out   
and he just responds   
     "You never saw me here" as he quietly tip toes onto the transportilizer and teleports out of your room. you look at equius, who is quite confused at the moment, you sigh.   
     "um, Dave was just informing me on some new feelings that are going on between two people!!" equius' confused face had turned into a questioning one, as to why he was telling you this. you sigh a bit louder as you walk out of his hug," i asked him to tell me any feelings between two people in any quadrant!" equius' face chnged to a more understanding and you were glad about that, now, you have to go find karkat and execute your plan!" well, i have a plan to execute, so if mew will excuse me!" as you slowly walk back into the transportalizer and get instantly transported to a grey hall and as you looked around, you spotted Dave "Dave!" you called out, and he turned to you and he comes up to you and says "oh. There you are, you got away from sweatquius?" Dave says, bringing your moirail's name to shame.   
    "well yeah i did, but have you found Karkitty yet?" you asked hopefully,   
     "no actually, i was just waiting for you and sweatquius to end your moirail jam and go find Karcrab" he responded,   
     "well, lets go!!" you answer and you grabbed Daves hand start running down hallway just as you bumped into rose. Woops.   
     "ah, Dave... And...Nepeta?" she raised her eyebrow just a bit as she said your name. "what are you two doing here, together?" she questioned, quite confused about the pair.  
     "well my sister, me and Nepeta are off to see Karcrab to execute a new plan of ours," he pointed at you and himself," but i'm not telling you what exactly this plan is, so goodbye, rose!" as he grabbed your hand and ran off, leaving Rose Lalonde in a surprisingly, confused mix of questions, and their probable answers.

 

==> Dave:time skip to meeting up with karkat

 

your name is Dave Strider and your at the same grey door that you saw a day ago. you decided that you would not get lost in your thoughts and go ahead and actually knock on the door. it sounded like some things were shuffled around until you heard a few steps coming near you and Nepeta and that's when the door had opened. It had nearly hit you but it was a good thing you had quick stepped out of the way. Thank god your bro taught you the quick step.   
     "well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed" you said sarcastically, and Karkat's candy red eyes had went all the way around and back.  
     "wow, shut the fuck up, Strider, Leijon" Karkat had put a little more poison in Nepetas last name than yours.   
     "so what the fuck do you two want?" he had continued, seemingly being extremely irked at the moment,   
     "well me and Nepeta were talking about stuff, and Nepeta had just told me that you had always wanted to be in a romcom, so i had decided, why not teach you basics of acting?" he was listening with a sign of 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?' look on his face ."and why not let that first lesson be-" Karkat interrupts you.   
     "if you're trying to get me to confess my black feelings towards John without knowing, it won't work." and as soon as he said that, he shut the grey door right in your face. you sigh.  
     "scenario 2 : failed" you said sadly.   
     "welp, lets go back to the drawing board" Nepeta said as she walked away from Karkats door, and soon enough, you were doing the same.

 

==> Dave: time skip to after at least 50 different scenarios 

 

Your name is Dave Strider and it has been at least 3 months(based on roses timelog) since you last tried a scenario with Nepeta. and at the moment you are in Nepetas shipping cave right now, with at least every scenario page on the floor or table, and you are out of scenarios...well, except for one. but you're not sure if it'll work at all. Nepeta walks over to one of the pages and picks it up.   
     "we have only one last chance for this ship to become canon" Nepeta said ominously, "and our only way is..." oh please don't say it, please dont! "scenario 1" Nepeta said gravely.   
     "but-" nepeta slams her hand on the table   
     "IT'S THE ONLY WAY!" Nepeta screeched quite loudly. "both of us didn't want to do this," Nepeta explained, in a more hushed tone than last "but we are going to have to!" Nepeta clenched her fist and put it up in the air, and slammed it on the table, angrily "so you are going to find Karkitty, and tell him to tell John his feelings!" as Nepeta grabbed your shoulders and pushed you up, and she grabbed her gavel and slammed it against the table "Case! DISSMISSED!" and she moved you to the transportilizer, and pushed you on it, and before you realized you were in a grey hall, ready to find Karcrab, and encourage him. man, this is going to be a hard day. Just as you were walking down the hallway near the kitchen, you had bumped into rose somehow.   
    "hello there dear brother, are you still working on that project of yours?" she had questioned, somehow quite innocently, but mature at the same time; you don't know how, but she just did it.   
     "why yes 'dear sister'," putting literal air quotes in dear sister,"i am still working on that project" you said quite annoyed. You hated how Rose calls you brother, she always does it before she starts to lecture you, and it seems that you doing it back, never has the same poison as she does.  
     "you do know that john is "not a homosexual", correct?" rose had quoted; oh shit. but then you had realized that John had seemingly said it less and less. its seems that john might have had done some rethinking about it.   
     "but haven't you realized? John didn't even say "no homo" the last time he hugged Karcrab! Which he always used to do ALL the time!" you answered.   
     "you're trying to get them in a black relationship, correct?" she had questioned.   
     "Is the veil grey?" you said rhetorically.   
     "have you ever thought about how John feels?" she truly questioned.   
     "well it's obvious John feels the same!you can totally tell John is black flirting with Karkat!" you explained. there was no way John didn't feel the same, although...

 

==> Dave: be the dork

 

Your name is John Egbert, and you are really confused right now. You have been suprised these past few months that Dave and Nepeta has been attempting to get you and Karkat together, especially Dave.you are currently in your room staring at the ceiling in the veil. You honestly don't know how you feel about Karkat to be honest, you've thought many homosexual thoughts about Karkat. It's kind of awkward when you said it in front of many people, including Karkat, that you were not a homosexual. You've been thinking, and you might just be a little homosexual, But you're not really sure of it. Karkats feelings, on the other hand, are concerning you a little bit more than your own right now. Lately, he's been more aggressive than usual.it was as if he didn't want you around, but he still talked to you and did stuff with you,but it seems that he doesn't like you as a friend anymore, and it makes sad that he might not like you, but you had remembered the time he tried to explain quadrants, especially the black quadrant, and you think he might have been black flirting with you.

 

this is the worst thing you have ever suspected.

the problem is, you feel the opposite.

 

you are flushed for Karkat Vantas, and you are not sure what you going to do about it.


	3. PROLOGUE PART 3:canon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thier only choice left is their original plan, but what will happen?  
> ((The notes are the original notes from the chapter))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: this will most likely be the last prologue, and it took me forever to actually finish it, so i hope you like it!

==> BE DAVE

 

your name is dave strider and you are really dreading this. it is the day you and nepeta have come to your final resort: 

 

SCENARIO 1

 

you had really wished that it hadn't come to this, but karkat is a pro at realizing he's being set up. he's seen all the romcoms, AAAAAAAALL- fuck, john has got to stop hanging out with vriska, although, they are moirails, so it's inevitable that they hang out all the time. you just wish john would just stop inviting you over to his room for a party, only it ending up to be you, john, and vriska, which was the only people he had invited for the party, somehow, and john always said he "meant" to invite karkat, that's still no excuse to be hosting a party for two people. john, at times, seemed as if he had a flush crush on karkat, but at the same time, a caliginous crush. it seemed as if john and karkat are in a romcom, well, a TROLL romcom with all the quadrants and shit, but you digress. right now, you are currently stalking karkat... wow, you meant to say that you...uh... no that's what you meant to say, but the only reason is because you had to do some "improv". ok, you had done a ton of acting, but you had always hated improv. you love acting, but when you do improv, you just can't think of anything to say. yes, you may be ironic, but it's always thought out, not made up on the spot; some may take some seconds or so, but you can never do improv,it just, doesn't... ugh fuck it, you already have an idea of this conversation.karkat awaits as he sits in a computer room in the veil, doing... something... you don't know what though. he's probably making another memo. you look around to see if anyone else is there, but all you see is a bunch of comuters and grey walls and a karcrab. he seems to be annoyed with something,he's probably speaking to his future self, but whatever you aren't here to find out who the fuck he's talking to, you're here to make a ship canon!

==> DAVE:TALK TO KARKAT

you charge into the computer room, ready to jump on karkat, and surprisingly didn't hear your reckless ass stomping on the ground that was exceedingly loud,and jumped to karkat's chair, and latching your hands onto his shoulders had made him make an extremely loud noise, it was a high pitched screech and he jumps up and falls out of his chair, and you went with him and as soon as he hit the ground, the chair had fallen too. you and karcrab were both silent for quite a while... but then you felt the need to laugh. you tried to hold back the laughter, but then all of it came dribbling out your mouth.

"pffffff..." you had managed, but you kept on trying to hold it back but it was so hard! and now karkat is looking at you weirdly, he looks really confused at the moment, but also extremely scared somehow and wait, it that a hint of...sadness? you aren't sure but you are awesome at sneaking up on people, it is you 

 

"w-what the fuck do you want, s-strider?" he stuttered, definitely a hint of sadness and fear for some reason, but you'll just swipe it off...

and then you realized you were still on karkat and the room just got even more awkward. once you realized this you had pushed the chair off your back, and instantly got off him. you feel so awkward that you have an extreme urge to abscond the fuck out of here, but you cant, you have to answer him. you feel like your face was dipped in lava and you really want to apologize right the fuck now.

"s-" you stop, you sounded like a thirteen year old girl, because you were startled. you need to calm down. you cleared your throat and start again 

 

"sorry," in your correct voice. karkat was confused for a second, but then he realized why he said sorry 

 

"don't be, bulgelicker," he had responded annoyed as hell. he started again "so, what the fuck do you want?" he asked increasingly irked at you. you then realized he had asked you that before you just freaked out about falling on karkat 

 

"Oh yeah," you start up, "i'm going to be frank..." you pause for some bit of dramatic effect "i'm gonna give you my opinion on what you should do about your feelings" you said seriously. his eyes widened, as his cheeks start to light up with red. 

 

"w-why the hell would i want to know your fucking opinion on my feelings for john?!" he had surprisingly said quietly, "i don't need you and nepeta's help to confess my feeling for john!" you can totally see he started to waver after he said that, it looked as if he had actually wanted to hear it. should you? you've already gone too far in the hole to dig out, so fuck it. 

 

"i think you should tell him your feelings." you had said, staring straight into his grey eyes. his eyes had a seemingly unnoticable shade of red in it, huh. and you can definitely see his eyes grow wide, and his cheecks seemingly become a deeper shade of red. he looks away as if he was thinking about something... he looks back at you and you can see that his eyes are filled with DETERMINATION. he opens his mouth to say something, but as soon as it opened he closed it, and he decided to start walking out of the computer room you start to panic, you decided you should at least ask him where he's going to go.

"w-where are you going?" dave blurted suddenly. karkat had stopped where he was at, as he slowly but surely turns around to look at you.

"what do you fucking think, numbnuts?" you heard him answer. you knew he was being as sarcastic as ever. you realized where he was going, and wanted to just fanboy right then and there,but you need to be calm.

"wow, that really convinced you," you come back. you may be his moirail, but you can still get a few comebacks on him. you are the comeback master. it is you. you can easily see that he instantly was more irked than before. 

 

"well, when everyone ships me and john, that's when you know you should confess." he answers slyly. your eyes widened at the new information. everyone shipped them? you knew nepeta shipped john and karkat... johnkat? johnkat. but that was pretty surprising. karkat gave you a confused look again. 

 

"wait, seriously?" you questioned. karkat had rolled his eyes and he gives you a smirk 

 

"You honestly didn't know that?" he had asked, not bothering to answer yours. 

 

"Of course i didn't!" you replied. he smirked even more and chuckled.

"Well i didn't know until you started doing all those fucking attempts at being a match maker" he continued, you were so confused.

"What did they say?" you had wondered out loud. 

 

"I dont know," he said honestly.

"How do you know they ship it?" you had further asked. he looked at you with a surprised face

"John didn't fucking tell you?" he answered pretty surprised. you were so confused you just remembered that you've only seen John around twice. and those two times he looked like he was a bit depressed, or like he was lost in his thoughts, but it definitely was not the regular him, the only times you saw him was for breakfast and lunch today, tonight? fuck it, you should probably answer him now.

"Um, no?! I only just saw him today!" you answered back . he had actually raised his eyebrows in surprise and lowers them to furrow his eyebrows 

 

"I didn't see him after he told me, where was he?" he half asked seriously.

"I don't know, but he was probably in his room all that time," you shrugged. "you should probably go find him so you can confess to him," you finished. he answered back,

"Ugh, yeah that fuckass shouldn't fucking lay around all day" and he had left the room. you hope it goes okay. you feel like that they were destined to be in one of the quadrants, you just feel it. 

 

dave: be the fuckass

Your name is john egbert, and you're freaking the fuck out at the moment because you are john "NOT A HOMOSEXUAL" egbert and you are in love with a GUY. How in the world of fuck are you going to handle this? How would anyone handle this? You put your hands to your forehead to attempt to lower your pain from the oncoming headache from thinking way to much. It doesn't really help, but now you wonder how long you've been in your room? You think it might have been about 4 hours or so. You blink, noticing that you have been looking out at the 'window' for this entire time. Your headache was most likely caused by some weird horror terror out in the furthest ring, you guess. You focus yourself on something else, like that knocking on your door  
...  
WAIT.  
     "JOHN OPEN THE FUCK UP, ME AND DAVE HAVE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU, WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN LOCKED UP IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY?!?!" A familiar voice had shrieked, still pounding on your room door, not helping your headache, what so ever.  
    "Ugh, stop yelling! I have a huge fucking headache and i don't need that right now," you concluded, but still you stood up and hurriedly got to the door and opened it up to see that loveable, shouty troll you have a gigantic crush on.  
    "WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR WONDERING WHY THE FUCK I HAVE BARELY SEEN YOU IN THIS PAST 24 HOURS," he said, still yelling. You wince in pain because of this.   
     "A little bit more quieter, please?"you softly asked, hoping he would understand.  
  "SHIT," he accidentally yells, "sorry,"  
He said a lot quieter.  
     "Ok... Now what was that you came here for? I mean, i'm all for your company, but you sounded all rushed or something," you said.  As you looked up, his face had turned into a light shade of red, oh god, he looks so cute! No,no, don't think that, UGH!!  
    "Wow, this is really fucking awkward, but i just wanted to tell you that i fucking hate you" he finishes.  
Wait, what? Your heart drops. You feel complete despair from what he just said to you, he hates you? But all that time spent together and... He hates you?  
     "W-what?" He looks confused for a moment and then he realized something.  
     "I-I dont mean platonically! I meant caliginously," as his face got redder by the minute.  
Oh.  
Oh.  
Its that love-hate thing! It's basically love, right?  Although you think there's a difference between the two... You really don't get it. But you can deal with it, right?  
"Oh! I-I hate you too!" You lie. It really hurt when you said that, but the look of relief on his makes you happy, but not for too long.  As soon as you and him touched lips, it was total mix of indifferent feelings. As soon as he bit your lip, you realized that flush and caliginous were two different things. You try and play along and bite his lip, but no blood comes out since your teeth are just too... Flat. He sinks his claws into your back, and try your best not to wince, but you obviously have a small reaction. You two take a break from hate smooching,  you and him talk a little, and you part ways. As soon as the door closes, you slide down onto the floor and sigh. "I bargained for too much this time..." You say as you put head into your hands.


	4. Dave Strider and the two dorks in "hate-love"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finally realizes how much he fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: okay, im going to be honest, Vriska is extremely ooc in this story. Dont say I didn't warn you.

==>be Dave in the future

 

 

Your name is Dave Strider and  holy shit is this awkward...  John and Karkat are fighting in front of everyone and it's extremely uncomfortable, you bet even Nepeta would agree, so you look to Nepeta and... Yep you're correct, she looks like she just caught her parents in the act, if they even HAVE parents. Apparently, john and Karkat are fighting because of a bullshit reason. Something about a fucking movie, but you really don't care right now, everyone is just watching John and Karkat fight, and this is an actual fucking fight. Not one of the regular kismesis-fights, one of those i-really-fucking-hate-you-fights(whatever the fuck that is) you were just about to leave all this tension when you realize something. By the looks of Johns hurt face, and the tears threatening at his eyes, he looks as if he's been holding some shit back for an extremely long time and it finally broke through his façade.

 

It looks as if he's been holding back certain feelings

'oh shit' you thought 'John is totally red for Karkat' 

 

holy shit, you don't know what the fuck to do with this information.

and you just realized even MORE information...

          rose was right. 

well, shit, now you have to sadly inform Nepeta this entire fuck up you and her have made. so, you take a blank piece of paper and wrote 'shipping court. NOW' on it and threw it over to Nepeta, and left to the shipping cave.

===> Dave: meet up with Nepeta in shipping court

you have only been sitting around for just about 5 minutes, until some loud bangs  before Nepeta came running in. She was panting, and once she calmed down, she walked over to the table, and sat down and she grabbed her tiny gavel, but she didn't slam her gavel down just yet

"okay, what is this emergency meeting for?" she calmly asked.

"I won't tell you until you tell me what the fuck those loud ass noises were," you countered. She looked away for a second, but then she was back to looking at you.

"Well, ok. John and Karkat were fighting, you know that," she said as she closed her eyes "but what you didn't see, was Karkat storming out of the room, leaving John alone looking like he was about to cry," 

 

"Oh shit, is John ok?" you ask worriedly. you can see Nepeta looking a little annoyed but understanding. Oh, you probably interupted her or some shit. woops.

"well, as soon as the first tear fell, Vriska chose that this was the best time to have a feelings jam with him," oh thank gog. You'll check up on him later and you'll have to have a stern talking with your moirail later.

"That's good. Now, I should tell you about something we fucked up on, something we didn't even try to fathom would happen," you can tell she's interested in it, so you take a deep breath and say "I think John has red feelings for karkat." Nepeta gasped.

"wait, how do you know this? how long do you think he had these feelings?" you knew she was gonna ask questions. "I just noticed it, and it seemed like he has had that feeling from the start of that relationship of theirs. i'll have to confront this to him as soon as I get the chance." you concluded. Nepeta sighs and brings up her small gavel and hits it onto the table  
     "case... reopened" Nepeta said sadly. you stood up and started to leave

"now if you'll excuse me, i'm off togive a stern talking to my moirail"

"okay, go ahead," as Nepeta stood up and turned to her shipping wall and replaced the spade with a question mark between John and Karkat. 

 

this is gonna be a loooooooong day.

god dammit you just did 8 o's 

 

 

 

 

 

===>Dave: mouth off to your moirail

 

you are now in front of your moirails room, waiting for him to answer your knock.you decide you should probably knock a second time, so you do. "GOD DAMMIT KARKAT IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR I WILL KICK IT DOWN, SO HELP ME!!!!!" you yell, extremely angry so he could hear you, and also probably because it reflects how you feel right now, fucking pissed. 

 

"HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF BEING SOMETHING CALLED 'PATIENT', ASSHOLE?!?!?" karkat yells back, with a little bit less of the amount of anger in his voice he usually has and then you hear some loud ass stomps, and then the door swings open showing off karkat's annoyed face, rivaling your angered face. he notices your anger, he looks surprised for a second, but then goes back to the same irked face. "what the fuck do you want strider?" he asks dully, and now you are completely offended. 

 

"um, excuse me, first of all im your fucking moirail, what the fuck do you think? and second of all, i'm here to ask what in the utter FUCK was that awkward fucking display?!?!" you yell  
     "well, John decided that he would be a fucking idiot and say some really suggestive shit!!" He tells you.  
    "What suggestive shit?" You ask. Did he say something about redrom? Something about quadrants? What? You noticedthat his face is giving off a red glow  
     "N-none of your fucking buissness!" He responds quickly.  
     "Well you should know this one thing, Nepeta informed me that after you stomped out like a fucking bull, John started to cry and was taken away by his moirail,"  you explain seriously, and you see his eyes go wide and you notice he starts to panic. " Karkat, calm the fuck down, he's in good hands" you say while papping him, and he calms down but you can see a lot of worry in his eyes  
     "Is... Is he okay?" He asks worriedly. Karkat totally pities John, he just replaces that pity with hate, you can see that.  
     "I hope, I honestly don't know," you can see that he releases a breath that he was holding, but you can tell he's still worried, so you hold out your hands "so, do you wanna?"  
     "Yeah..." He responds, and he comes into your arms for a hug, and you feel like you should ask something a bit more...  
     "Are you up to tell me about what he said?" You ask, hopeful. He looks like he was thinking it over but he looks at you, and starts to talk.  
     "Well, he asked about Terezi, and what it was like to be in a red relationship..." Oh. So that's why.  
     "Oh, i see," you think you should probably go now. "I think i should check up on John for you," you conclude, and he moves from the hug, and nods  
     "alright, go on, i'll be okay now" and he gives you a small smile, and you leave to go check up on John, for both Karkat and you, because you really do hope he's ok.

===>Dave: 8e the spider 8itch  
Do you really have to call her that?  
===> just 8e her already!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok fine.  
Your name is Vriska Serket, and you are currently comforting your moirail as he cries on your shoulder.  
     "He'll come around, I promise!" You assure him, 8ut it doesn't work, he just cotinues to sob, and sob. Your eyebrows knit in worry. You think he's on the brink of sanity with this bitter relationship. You knew he couldn't  go very far  when he told you that he was red for Karkat, which sucks, because of the obvious. You stay quiet, and just continue to shoosh pap him, until you heard a knock. " it'll just 8e a minute John, can you manage?" You ask him. He's stopped shaking, but the tears just keep flowing, and flowing.  
"I-I'll t-try..." He manages. Gog, you've never seen him so messsed up about something like this before, so you give him another hug, and leave him be for a minute to open the door, but only to talk to them outside. Oh great. Its him.  
"Oh. Dave." You walk out of the room and face Dave. "What do you want?" You ask venomously.  
"Vriska, is he okay?" He answers, but at the same time, asks. He sure looks worried about him. This is the first time you've seen him have any emotion AT ALL .  
" Well D8ve, if you were wondering, the answer is no! He's still upset a8out this entire thing!" You tell him " hell, he's in this room RIGHT NOW, still crying!" You yell at him. His face just turns way more worried than before, and just looks like his brows are just going to MERGE now!!!!!!!!  
"... Shit, i guess he cant handle it at all..." He says, under his breath.  
"NO SHIT TROLL SHERLOCK!!!!!!!!"you scream at him  
"May i ask another question?" He asks  
"YOU JUST DID. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO HELP OUT MY MOIRAIL, GOOD DAY!" You leave, and shut the door. You look at the room and can tell he couldn't handle a minute away, he's in a tiny ball, on his bed, shaking like a fucking chihuahua, a weird bark-beast john told you about a long while ago. You sit onto his bed and see that he looks like he's trying to hide from the world. Agh, you are so pale for him, and thats why you are his moirail. You start to rub his back "John..." You whisper to him, and he just starts hugging you, so you just hug back so you can comfort him.

 

===> Dave:wait for Vriska to come back out again.

 

Your name is Dave Strider and Vriska just shut the door on you. Fuck, now you're really worried about him. You have an idea how to get them to flip,but you're unsure about that idea...  
"Oh, hello there Dave," a calm female voice says behind you. You turn around to see the one and only Rose Lalonde.  
"Hi rose," you greet. Oh god, she has this look on her face that just SAYS 'I told you so', but it also has a hint of worry.  
"Do you have something to say to me, dear brother?" She says slyly. Oh god dammit.  
"Rose, you were right, sorry for being an insufferable prick" you groan. You really hate it when she's right, which is all the fucking time.  
"So, do you know if John is okay?" Rose asks worriedly  
"Well, spiderbitch decided to close the fucking door on me before i got a full answer, but i'm pretty sure he's not fucking okay," you give the answer to a question that was quite fucking obvious "aren't you a seer of light? You should know this shit" you add. Rose sighs and facepalms at your serious question.  
     "Dave, that's not how my powers work," Rose responds. "even John understands this"  
"Okay, but the answer to your question was such an obvious one, that even satan would know this shit, he would fucking put that on the 'shit that is too fucking obvious to make a question out of'  list. Come on Rose, step up you're fucking game,"  okay, that was the best thing you have ever fucking said in your entire life.  
     "Well Dave, I think you should know that you shouldn't just assume things and 'go with the flow' and never ask the right questions" she says slyly "honestly, Dave, i think you  should step up your game," Rose says as she walks up next to the door, and puts her fist up and hits the door three times.  
     "If that's you, D8ve I will personally KILL YOU!!!!!!!!" a young trolls voice yells through the door, very annoyed. Wow, that was extremely fucking rude.  
    "It's not him, he's being a hard ass. It's Rose, may I come in?" She asks politely. She waits for a minute, until the door slowly creaks open, and she walks inside.  
     "You've got to be fucking kidding me," you groan. Rose may be a self-taught therapist, but you can't believe it was that fucking easy for her! Ugh, you'll come back later. 

 

==>Be the moirail prostitute 

your name is Rose Lalonde and right now, you are being a therapist, not introducing yourself to new readers. You will save the introductions for later. All you should know is that your dear friend, John Egbert, has a serious problem. You look to the boy in a worried manner, and you wipe a tear from his cheeck, but it was futile. You look to Vriska, John's moirail and you give her a serious look "Vriska, please sit on the bed with your moirail," you calmly order.  
She obliges, sitting next to John, and she gives John the motion to lay his head on her lap, and he scoots himself over next to Vriska, and he rests his head onto her lap, and she quietly and quickly combs through his hair. You bring out your notepad and pen from your sylladex, and you go through the pages you've written on. "Well then, how and when did these feelings, for Karkat, start?" You ask specifically. John seems to have calmed down, and he sighs, and talks about his adventure with feelings

You ask the readers to be someone else now.

 

 

==> be someone else

 

You 'look' to the worrisome human you call cool kid. this 'cool kid' usually isn't worried this much. "Hey cherry pie, what's gotten you eaten up about?" You ask.  
"It's nothin' blueberry," he jokes.  
"your face definitely gives off the stench of worry," you prove. He lets out a sigh of defeat.  
"Of course you can see through my deceit," he mumbles, loud enough for you to hear. "Now," you say "will you tell me what is making you so orange?" You ask. He sighs again, pulling his hands up to his face "well, it's about John and Karkat's relationship," he states. You are very surprised because he set them up! Well, sort of.  
"I thought you got them together??" You ask, very confused. You can't believe he sighs for A.THIRD.TIME.  
"But there's a fucking problem!" He shouts. You giggle. You think it's hilarious how he let's his guard down around you.  
"Sorry, sorry, continue," you apologize.  
"Anyways," he begrudgingly began "John actually has red rom feelings for Karkat!" You giggle a bit. You honestly thought it was pretty fucking obvious. You kept to yourself because your a half decent troll! "But on the other hand," the cool kid starts again. "Karkat has completely vacillated his own fucking feelings!"  
"I thought karkat always had black feelings?" You confusedly ask.  
"Well, it was black, pale, RED, THEN black again!" He yells.  
You can understand the pale part, since that was probably the part when Gamzee and him broke up.  
but...  
"when did he feel flushed for him?" you ask.  
"It was when me and Karkat just became moirails" he explained," he didn't tell me specifically, but it seemed exactly like he had a fucking flush-crush for John,"  
" im guessing Karkat must have thought that he had no chance, but assumed that it would work better if he had the same black feelings?" You guess.  
"Not exactly..." Dave said tentatively  
"What?" You are completely confused  
"He had reasons that i promised not to talk to ANYBODY about, so i can't answer your curiosity with death, small kitten." He says poetically. You really love when he uses metaphors and mixes them up.  
"So, how do you know that he is 100% red for him?" You ask "or at least 50%..." You mumble.  
"Well, when he's caught off guard, he is totally ogling over John half the fucking time," he starts "oh! And when i came over to talk to him about all this shit, he got pretty fucking worried!"...  
"Okay, that proves it" you stop him from saying anymore.  
     "Well, what the fuck should i do?" He asks.  
"Well, Dave, I do have an idea,"  His face lights up with hope. So you get closer to him, and start giving him your small idea.

 

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you are helping your matesprit with auspictising between john and karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be cool if rose knew about the readers, since she is a seer of light :P anyways, i'm still writing the next chapter, so stay tuned!  
> UPDATE:ugh, im still working on the next chapter , but so far it's over 3,000 words! i hope that'll make up for how late it is!!


	5. Kanaya The Auspistice Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave gets a lesson on auspicestism and more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i realize that i left last chapter as a cliffhanger, but i couldn't find a way to actually write when they forgive   
> eachother shit, so stfu. so im just gonna make it two or three weeks after it happened where they've made up and shit. 
> 
> A/N: haha, i honestly got a bit of a writers block, but i hope i get this finished soon. this takes place a few weeks or so after their fight, so everything is sorta patched up. HEAD CANON: all space players have some sort of medical experience

==> Terezi: get help from Kanaya

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you don't really know much about auspicetism, so to help mr. Cherry strider, you are going to get help from the pro of auspicetism, Kanaya Maryam.  
"So, You Want Me To Help Dave To Fix John And Karkats Unstable Black Relationship?" She asks uninterested, working on a new outfit. She apparently was able to alchemize a new sewing machine and new fabrics, too. You can smell she is making either a dress or a skirt. You don't really care  
"W3LL, 1T'S MOR3 L1K3, T34CH H1M TH3 4RTS OF AUSP1ST1S1NG, BUT TH4T JUST SOUNDS L1K3 ON3 OF THOS3 KUNG FU MOV13S D4V3 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT,"

"Well, That Still Sounds Dumb, But Why Do You Want Me, A Troll That Has No Experience In The Black Or Ashen Quadrant, To Teach Dave Strider?"

"OF COURS3 YOU H4V3 3XP3R13NC3 1N TH3 4SH3N QU4DR4NT! R3M3MB3R VR1SK4 4ND T4VROS?"

"Vriska And Tavros Were Not In A Black Relationship, That Rivalry Was Completely Platonic, And Vriska Was Trying To Create That Rivalry Into Full On Hate-Relationship," she explains, as she turns the stitch on the skirt backwards, and finishes the skirt,"I Saw That The Relationship Would Be A Potential Disaster, And Decided That The Best Choice Was Stop That Said Disaster," she takes up the skirt to reveal, that it was a teal wrap Skirt with a red bow on the side of the skirt. How do you know this? You just do. She sets the skirt onto a fitting model, and she looks back to you "This Should Fit You, But I Guessed Your Size, Do You Mind If You Could Try It On?" She asks  
"1F 1 TRY 1T ON, W1LL YOU T34CH D4V3 4BOUT 4USP1C3T1S1NG?"  
Kanaya takes the skirt off the fitting model and gives it to you, along with a small smile  
"Of Course, Watch Out For The Pins," she answers, and you take the skirt into the ablution block.

==> be Dave  
Your name is Dave Strider and your moirail is ranting to you about his kismesis, which he is obviously flushed for, but he tries to hide his actual feelings from everyone with anger, even himself. You sometimes help him with these feelings, and he helps you with romance advice and shit. You should probably tune back into his rant

"-BUT HE JUST ACTS LIKE IT'S FUCKING NOTHING!LIKE HE JUST THINKS IT'S NORMAL DURING OUR HATE MAKE OUTS THAT HE COULD CASUALLY TOUCHES ONE OF MY FUCKING HORNS!" He yells, quite angrily. He also seems to be blushing, quite a bit.

"Well, then what did you do?"

"I LOOKED AT HIM, AND HE LOOKED AT ME WITHOUT A FUCKING CARE IN THE WORLD. IT WAS FUCKING SICKENING. SO I DECIDED I'D PUNCH HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE!THEN I LEFT," he started to blush a bit more "the look on his fucking face was so pitiable, i just had to fucking abscond" he mumbled, looking away to try to hide his blush, but it was so fucking obvious.

"What was that?" You joke

"NOTHING, NOW FUCK OFF"

"Do you or do you not wanna hear my fucking advice?"

"UGH FINE, WHATEVER, JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY,"

"Well, John has never had any experience with a black relationship-"

"HE SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BY NOW, DUMBASS, WE'VE BEEN IN A HATE-RELATIONSHIP FOR A WHILE NOW,SO WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM?!?!"  
'God dammit karkat it's so fucking obvious what the fuck are you doing' you think as you do a literal fucking 2x's facepalm. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FACEPALMING ABOUT?!?" He shouts. you glare at him

"Well, John never really understood quadrants to start with," you say, "my question is, how would he actually understand if he DID have hatey feelings for you" you hint. You glance at him and he's just sitting there, wide eyed.you smirk at him, and get up. "well, I have to go, don't wanna miss shipping court with Nepeta,see ya later" you give a small wave to him, and he gives a quiet "bye" to you, and you walk away.

You totally lied about shipping court, you're actually going to go find John, because you didn't actually get to ask him about his feelings.  
Definitely not because you're worried about him because he's like one of your best bros. nope.

==> Be the Little Egderp

Your name is John Egbert and right now your face honestly really fucking hurts, and the only thing that's helping is a bag of ice. It's not helping too much, but it's still helping. You jump, when you feel a sting at on the other side of your face "Ow, ow, ow," you blurt on accident, while Jade tends to your scratch with alcohol and Vriska is said bag of ice onto your black eye. Ugh, you are so dumb, why did you do that?

"So, John Egderp, what caused you to get this black eye? You and Karkat agreed to only scratch and sometimes bite, right?" Jade interrogates you.You blush heavily at the thought of what happened

"Um... It was really dumb and stupid that's for sure," she glares at you for that answer. As soon as she puts a bandaid on your face, you hide your face in your hands, but instantly wince at the pain. "ow, fuck," you instantly remove your hands from your face and Vriska puts the ice bag back on your eye."I um... kinda touched one of Karkats horn," you say, extremely embarassed

"I seriously don't know why I did it, it just happened without me noticing!" your face is seriously burning right now and you bet that you are so red. Out of no where, Vriska starts giggling like a fucking idiot.she also fucking drops the ice bag, so you pick it up and put it back on your eye.

 

"Holy shit, John, you seriously fucked up!!!!!!!!"

 

"don't you think I already know!? why in the hell are you laughing at me?!"

"well john, horn touching is a seriously red gesture! anything involving a trolls horns are seriously red gestures, pro8a8ly as red as karkats blood!!!!!!!!" she explains, "and you, the kid who knows jack shit a8out quadrants, ACCIDENTALLY DOES SAID GESTURE TO HIS KISMESIS!" she bursts out laughing, once again. Jade, on the other hand, looks like she seriously is cosidering to kick her out of your room

 

"Vriska! that is not helping John at all!!" Jade yells," even Gamzee was better than that!" Vriska stops laughing, and starts to walk away

"sorry '8out that, 8ut i'm gonna have to rain check, i have something planned that i cant really get out of now, so, 8ye!!!!!!!!" She waves goodbye as she walks off. You are seriously worried about Karkat, you hope he isn't too mad about this. You wonder if Karkat went to Dave to talk about it. Oh, speak of the fucking devil, its Dave!

Dave is at the doorframe, just looking at you and Jade.  
He gives both of you a nonchalant " 'sup" and goes into the room.

 

"So, what the fuck happened here" he says, and you're blushing a color that is so red, you can't even imagine what said color would be called.

 

"Don't make me say it again, it's so freaking embarrassing..."

 

"Just kidding bro, I already know" he tells you, and gives you a thumbs up.

 

"To be honest, that doesn't make it any better..."

 

"Hey, can I take a look at that black eye of yours?" He asks, and you remove the ice bag from your eye and Dave comes up close to you and examines your eye.

 

"Holy shit that is pretty bad,"

 

"Thanks captain obvious," you glare at him.

"Can you even fucking see out of that eye?" He asks.

"I don't know, let me see..." You close your other eye "Oh! Would you look at that! OH WAIT, i cant," okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but whatever you don't really care

"Well excuse me for being fucking worried about you,"he says "anyways, when did all that" he points to your black eye," happen?" He asks.

"Well, um... I think about a few hours ago? I don't specifically know how long ago it was, after it happened i kinda just remember sitting here for about an hour or something. Then Jade and Vriska found me just sitting here and they decided to just fix me up I guess??"

You look at Jade for conformation and she nods.

"Me and Vriska, who just left, found John here with a... Surprised face, I guess? Along with a few scratches that were bleeding, and a black eye. It was better when we found him. At least he could barely see out of his eye back then, now, he cant see through it at all!" She explains," I also need to check his torso for any scratches, but he won't let me!!!"

"I CAN DO THOSE MY SELF!!"

"NO YOU CAN'T ! I BET YOU'll JUST PUT A BANDAID ON IT, WHICH WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT!"

"Jesus christ, you two, shut the fuck up," Dave interupts your fighting. He points to you "John, take off your fucking shirt so Jade can look for any scratches, and i'll go ahead and get the first aid kit," Dave orders. you blush a bit

"Ugh, fine!" Dave goes out of the room to get the first aid kit, and you take off your shirt, and bam, would you look at that, a scar from when you went god tier, and another from where Jack noir's sword impaled you. You look at Jade, and she just looks a tad bit surprised.

"Oh," is all she says. And she just Starts to look for some scratches on your chest and back. You feel some stinging on your sides as she cleans some scratches with alcohol and places some bandaids on you, but not on all of them.

"Some of these scratches are a little too big for the bandaids, so we'll have to wait for Dave" she says as she gives you a light-hearted smile, and you give her a smile that seemed a little bit unnatural, but whatever.

You just got an amazing idea.  
You raise up your arms, and grinning like a fucking dork

"Awkward sibling hug?" You ask.Jade's eyes spark with excitement.

"Awkward sibling hug!" You wrap your arms around her and she does too, and you pat eachother on the back twice

"Pat, pat," you both monotonously say in unison. It was dead quiet, and you just couldn't hold it in anymore.You both break out in a fit of laughing and giggling. You don't notice it, but Dave was standing there that entire time.

Once their laughing fit ended, Dave spoke up.

"You two are such dorks"

"HELL YEAH WE ARE!" Jade yells.

"Well, i got the aid kit so here you guys go" Dave tosses the first aid kit to Jade, and Jade opens the kit to fix up the rest of your scratches.Dave closes the door and he comes up to you, and you look at him.

"So, what's up, Dave?" You ask, only half interested in the answer

 

"Well, not much, but how's that relationship workin' out for you?"

 

"Well, it's kinda... Not what i was expecting?" You can feel yourself getting redder by the second

 

"Well of course it isn't because you're flushed for him like a ripe ass tomato, right?" He smirks as you confirms his statement with a look of surprise

 

"I-is it really that obvious?" You give a nervous laugh.

 

"As Obvious as a horse in a cow herd," Dave jokes. You put your face in your hands to hide your blush, which is obviously futile, but you do it anyways. Dave throws you your shirt, and it lands onto your head in a swift manner.

 

"Ughhhh,"

 

"Young man, if you do not put your shirt back on, I will back to the future your ass and i will become your fucking father" he says in a business-ey manner. You start to laugh a bit

 

"But Dave, we don't actually have parents, ectobiology, remember?" You explain, but then you just got an amazing idea. You put your hand on your chin and pretend to be thinking "actually, come to think of it..." He starts," i did all of the ectobiology, so i AM your father!!" You start laughing maniacally and Dave gives a long winded "nooooooooooooo!" And Jade decides to punch you and Dave in the arm.

 

"Now is not the time to be nerds! I'm gonna go ahead and wash this shirt, So you should get another shirt, John" Jade exclaims, and she leaves your room. You go ahead and take out a shirt from your sylladex and put it on. You turn around and see Kanaya walking into your room

 

"Oh, hey Kanaya!" You greet.

 

"Hello There John, May I Borrow Dave For A Bit?" She asks

 

"Go ahead!"

 

"Hey, do I have any say in this?" Dave Interupts. Kanaya takes Dave's hand and starts to take him from the room

 

"Nope, Not At All. Goodbye, John," she walks out of the room with Dave

"bye Kanaya! Bye Dave!"

 

==>Be the cool kid

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are being dragged to someplace by Kanaya against your will.

"You know, people have laws for this shit, I can totally sue your ass,"

 

"The Only Person Who Can Actually 'Sue My Ass' Has Allowed Me To Take You Against Your Will"

Well shit.

"Can you at least fucking tell me what we're doing?" You request

 

"Well Of Course I Can," she Responds," I Will Be Your Instructor To Auspictism," she stops at what you think is her room, and she opens the door to reveal Vriska, Terezi, and Rose sitting on her bed

 

"I know you're a lesbian, but this is just silly" you mutter

 

"I Thought You Would Get Gamzee?" Kanaya asks basically anyone in the room

"W3LL,SORRY, 1 COULDN'T F1ND H1M 4NYWH3R3," terezi frowns expectantly.

"It's probably for the fucking best anyways," you say to yourself. You really do not like that fucker. He's creepy as shit, but he's okay at rapping you guess.

 

"D4V3 W3 DO NOT TOL3R4T3 YOUR BULLSH1T. JUST B3C4US3 YOU DONT L1K3 GAMZEE, DO3SN'T M34N YOU C4N GO 4ROUND S4Y1NG SH1T L1K3 TH4T," she scolds you "3V3N THOUGH 1 4CTU4LLY 4GR33 W1TH YOU..." she adds.

 

"Maybe We Should Move On From That Topic," Kanaya asks politely "Now Then, Today, Or Night, Who The Hell Knows, Me And My Gathered Colleugues Here Will Be "school Feeding" You On How To Auspictise between a kismesis relationship" she explains in an informative tone

"well damn lets get down to fucking business" you are personally excited about this. "teach me in the fucking arts of the ashen romance," but you'll keep that to yourself

 

===> Dave: learn the arts of ashen romance

 

your name is Dave Strider and you are currently in the "living" room and you're ready to learn about the ashen quadrant. you have a note pad and everything! Kanaya brings a black board and and draws the club, the sign for auspicetisism.

"As You Know This Is The Sign For Auspicestism" she says , which gets a "NO SH1T, TROLL SH3RLOCK" from terezi. Rose gives terezi a flick to the head because she was interrupting. Kanaya clears her to start again. "Anyways, There Are Two Main Reasons To ashen romance," she draws spades infront of the clubs, makes and arrow from the heart, and then a heart and another arrow. "Quadrant Vaccilation,or," she erases the spades "Dissolving A More Toxic Black Relationship" she also erases the heart and puts down the eraser and chalk "There Are More Reasons To That, But Those Are The Usual Reasons, So," she claps her hands together " Do You Know An Example Of An Ashen Relationship? she questions p+olitely. You try and think back to any relationships you knew about, but then you were reminded of one thing thatJade told you about once.

"oh! how about jade between past and future Karkat?" you guess. you dont really know any other examples except for that she smiles and nods lightly

"Correct!" she says happily, and she takes the chalk and draw jade's face along with karkat on both sides of the sign "Jade With Past And Future Karkat Is An Example Of What Could Have Been An Ashen Relationship, Although It Wasn't Actually A Thing," she then proceeds to turn around and explain some more stuff " Another Example Would Be Me, Vriska, And Tavros. It Wasn't An Actual Thing Either Because I Was Only Worried For How Vriska Was Treating Him, So I Decided That I Had To Play Auspicestice And Take them Out Of That Relationship Because It Would've Gotten Even Worse If I Didn't Meddle" she stares knives at Vriska and she just rolls her eyes

"yeah, I fucked up 8y 8eing a dick to tavros. I thought I was helping 8ut o8viously i was just fucking torturing him. i know i fucked up, and i guess i could actually do it again anyways, 8ecause i dont know when to stop" she says half sarcastically. everyone, even herself knows that she's a bitch, but it doesn't her from still being a bitch, but who gives a shit

"so, sensei,when do we get to learning how and when the fuck i should do ashen ass gestures?" you ask as you finish jotting down a few ironic notes along with a doodle of hella jeff.

"That's What We'll Be Working On Now," she grabs the eraser and erases the whole blackboard and writes the first point to the ashen quadrant "Now The First Point To Auspicestism Is That You Have To Know How Both Parties Feel," she draws the quadrants under this point jut for fun " this is a very important point , and that is because..." she invites you to finish the sentence, so you do.

"you don't want to have any misunderstandings between the relationship" you say knowingly

"Exactly, The Exact Reason You Got Yourself Into This Mess" she scolds you "so how do both parties feel in your situation?" everyone in this room the answer, but its just to help learn you learn this shit

 

"John feels red for karkat and karkat feels black for John, but it seems as if his feelings could vacilate" you tell your "sensei"

"Very Good! Now, Next, You Want To Know The Reason To This Ashen Relationship, Since You Need Every Fact About It Secure" she writes said point onto the black board and then turns back to you "Oh, I Forgot To Mention That Auspicestism Is Not Usually Used For Quadrant Vacillation, But In This Case It Will Be Used For Said Vacillation"

"Jegus christ, Maryam, you sure do tend to get off-topic for a troll who is known to 'dabble' in space or some shit," you say, just get her a little pissed off, but then Rose decides to interupt

"Actually, Dave, she is not 'off-topic' she is actually on this topic as if she was the best bull rider on earth," she counter at you. how can you argue to similies that refrence the southern culture of your dead species? "if we could move on, we now be giving you examples of times you should probably step in as an auspistice" she adds

"Terezi And Vriska Will Be The Afformentioned 'Kismesis' Trying To Flip Into A Flushed Quadrant. Now Terezi, Vriska, Will Please Pretend to Act All 'Lovey Dovey' Towards Each Other, And Then Randomly 'Lash Out' At Each Other?"

"4LR1GHT TH3N,"

"ok8y, let's do this shit!!!!!!!!"

They proceed to act all "lovey dovey" to each other (which means they just hug each other and call eachother cliche nicknames that every relationship has like "HON3YP1E" and "sweetiec8ke") and then they proceed to have a "fight" (WHICH CONSISTS OF TEREZI AND VRISKA SLAPPING AT EACHOTHER FUIOUSLY)

"Now Rose, My Dear, Will You Be Our Auspistice For Today?" she asks lightly, and rose nods her head

"Of course, my love," she replies. they aren't even being subtle about it, but you guess it's a bit obvious. she walks between the two of them and moves each of them away from eachother  
"now, now you two, you're both beautiful. and since you're both beautiful, you two should love eachother, not HATE," she says in a calming manor and then they go back to calling each other cliche names

"Of Course, It's Probably Not Going To Actually Work Like That, SInce This Was Just An Example Of How You Stop Them From Fighting. You Would Do This For As Long As Needed, Until They've Fully Vacillated," she explains. "Now This Will Conclude Our Lesson On The Ashen Quadrant," she ends he erases the chalk on the board and gives it to Rose for her to put up 

"Thank you, sensei," You joke

"Not A Problem" and she walks out from the room. you turn to Terezi who is laughing with Vriska. You come up to Terezi and lean on her shoulder

"So, what are you two maidens giggling about over here?"

"HOW YOU 4CTU4LLY TOOK NOT3S, HOLY FUCK" she continues her fit of laughter.

"Well,I gotta keep my ironic personality up to shape with at least 1 ironic thing each day, tz," you tell her.

"OF COURS3 CH3RRY P13, 1 COULD SM3LL TH3 1RONY 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3," she grins

"I should probably go and fix those two fuckers' relationship, peace out, my blueberry muffin" you say to Terezi, as you blow a kiss goodbye.

now where are those two little shitheads...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for it being so late! tell me your opinion if you'd like! i need improvement


End file.
